D-Day has come. He is here right now, loading things from the garage into his truck. I am a mess. I am shaking, my heart is racing. This would’ve been so much easier if I didn’t have to see him. A good friend of mine is here, to run interference. I am hoping, since it is early in the day, that he doesn’t have an abundance of alcohol on board already. I want this to be over with. I want all remnants of him gone, so I can get on with the healing process. I never want to be in this spot again. The next time I see the red flags, I want to be strong enough to turn tail and run. Wouldn’t it be so much easier to make that run in the beginning, than at the end?
You’re almost there….and you’re ready for a new beginning!
PS You are so much stronger than you think. Give yourself some credit, young lady! You’re awesome!
I am a bundle of nerves right now. Just glad most of the stuff is gone. He will only have to come back one more time. He didn’t even say one word to me, and I didn’t speak to him either. Thanks so much Clara!!
I am so damned proud of you, even though we are strangers to one another. I have never experienced what you are going through, but I have friends who have been there, and I can’t tell you how glad I am that you won’t tolerate it anymore.
You deserve better, and you will have it one day. You are a gifted writer with talent to spare, whose words come straight from the gut and go straight for the jugular. I hope you surround yourself with the love of your friends and the support of your followers, because it’s plentiful, and because you’ll need it as you heal.
I don’t know you, but I do know one thing: like Clara said, you are stronger than you know. Like the tea bag analogy, you don’t find out how strong you are until you’re deep in hot water. Prayers and many healing thoughts are headed your way.
And like Sir Winston Churchill once said, “If you’re going through Hell, keep going.”
Thanks so much for your words of encouragement!! I am not feeling very strong tonight, as I am here in my house alone, with his things cleared out. I am doubting myself, and wanting him, and our friends back. I still know deep in my heart, that I have done the right thing, but everything feels wrong right now. Thank you too, for your nice words about my writing. So often I take to this blog, with the need to purge my thoughts & feelings, and I am so glad there are readers out there like you!!
Breakups are hard to begin with, and if you add the whole passive-aggressive abuse factor, I can’t even imagine the emotional maelstrom you are in. Just go easy on yourself for awhile. You have absolutely done the right thing.
We all have our pity parties — they serve a purpose. You can be miserable and lonely for awhile, and get some of that toxic stuff out. Invite your girlfriend(s), mix up a pitcher of margaritas, and make it all about you.
Your blog is great. It’s one of my faves, because it’s honest. You’re funny and smart and opinionated. Just throw it all out there — we’ll read it. 😉
Thanks so much for your kind words about my blog!! My mother has always told me I am “honest to a fault”. I hold nothing back. I have a hard time even omitting information, let alone telling a lie. I try to live a very authentic life, and I tend to be on my blog like I am in real life.
I am going to wallow in the pity for awhile. Like you said, I think it is necessary. I think it is a part of healing. I can only hope it is short-lived, and I get through it, and on with my life!! Keep reading and commenting!! I appreciate it sooo much!
I couldn’t say this any better. What Stuck said, Sexypants.
Thank you HRH Madame Weebles! 🙂
Running away from people isn’t your nature. That’s a good thing, and something you shouldn’t try to change; you just need to learn when to walk instead of run. At the fire station, we have a rule: No running in the bay. Ever.
When I first started, and the tones went off, my first instinct was always to jog to my gear and hurry aboard the engine. Being aware and focused means slowing down and thinking clearly. If you start the call in a frenzy, it will continue. That’s when you miss the warning signs and put yourself in a dangerous situation.
I guess what I’m trying to say is this: You’re life is a firehouse. Don’t run and risk missing the danger signs. Walk, and you’ll always end up in one piece — which is how we want you.
OK, that’s all you get of my mushy side.
I know your words were not directed at me, but I love your insight. Walk, don’t run. 😉
Ned’s too damn smart for his own good, isn’t he?? 🙂
I’ll say. 😉
Damn Ned! I am crying now. I am having a tough time tonight, because I am sitting home alone. Most Friday nights have been spent with the fuck stick and friends, and this is the first one I am having to go alone in awhile. You know my son told me last Sunday, something quite similar to what you just said. His dating advice was that I need to take a lot more time to know the guy, and figure out whether he’s a really good person or not. Problem is, I’m not sure I know how to walk. lol
I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to respond. Every other Friday, right after work, we drive two of our children to meet with their father in Springfield for the weekend. I didn’t get back to my blog until this morning. I’m sorry last night was a lonely one, but I’m sure you made it through. I made it back last night just in time to see a spectacular sunset. The kind I haven’t seen in quite a while.
Maybe it was for you? 😉
Cheers, and enjoy the day today. I promise things will only get better.
The glorious kid exchange! 🙂 My ex and I usually meet at McDonald’s, just like they do in the movie Bye Bye Love; one of my faves, because I think it shows dads in such a great light!
I did make it through the whole weekend, but not unscathed. I had a little slip–read Modern Conveniences. I know this will get easier, it’s just sucking right now.
Thanks for your support Ned, and I hope you had a wonderful weekend. 🙂
You’re always welcome, FBG. And I know your weekends continue to get better 😉
You are amazing!! Don’t ever forget that! It will be tough for awhile. Stupid little things will make you think of him. You will see, hear, or smell something that puts a small smile on your lips because it reminds you of a time with him. But all of this will fade as you keep moving forward. Take things one day at a time…sometime it is an hour at a time. You can do this…I know you can. You are a hell of a strong woman! You are a survivor! And you are going to come out the other end a force to be reckoned with! :0)
Thanks for the words of encouragement!!