My Last Name is Control
He’s said it more than once, “You kind of like to control everything, don’t you?” It’s true, I do like to be in control. I was what many would call a “bossy” kid, and I suppose this has led to me being a “bossy” adult. I am a leader, not a follower, and will attempt to manipulate people to come to my dark side, and do as I wish. And if I can’t use the art of persuasion to get you to do what I want, or see my side of things, then at times I will try to force you to.
Problem? He doesn’t want to be controlled (most people don’t). He has made that very clear, yet he always seems to hand me his problems, seeking my advice and guidance. Is he aware you shouldn’t hand a fixer such as myself, a problem and not expect me to give you numerous solutions? I guess he must not be. He told me last night I sound like his mother. That’s exactly what every woman wants to hear. I told him I don’t want to be his mother, but was just trying to make a point.
He says I am a debater, that I can’t just say something and let it go. It’s true. Why do I feel the need to justify myself to everyone? I think it’s because of my need to control. I want to influence people to understand why I feel the things I do, because I’m not okay with feeling it, saying it, and letting them deal with.
Control is an illusion. I can’t control another human being, unless they allow me to, and to be honest, I don’t really want to control anyone, let alone a man I am in a relationship with. I want to be comfortable enough in my own skin, that I can let go and allow life to happen. I want to release my worries and anxieties, and allow people to make their own choices about things, and live their lives the way they see fit. Some days letting go of control is easy for me. Other days, it isn’t so easy and I battle it. I think I need to keep this quote handy, to remind me neither sunsets, nor people, will be beautiful if I attempt to manipulate them.
My husband has a habit of always saying “Yerrah”. Its like “so what” or “whatever”. At times it drives me crazy because he is very laid back, but and I know he will never see this, I have found sometimes saying “yerrah” to myself does take away the angst. Its like taking a deep breath and saying “relax”. Maybe I’ve been with him too long!!
The boyfriend says “woosah”, and I have found myself saying it lately too. Or, the phrase “settle down”, which comes from a John Wayne movie. lol
My husband is a bossy pants “fixer”. *sigh* I often want to punch him in the nose.
At least you realize that you’re doing it and can admit it.
We are all perfect in our imperfectness. That means you too.
Thanks!! lol Hell, I can’t even “fix” myself, don’t know why I would be able to fix anyone else! lol
Does that mean you have to “control” yourself. No way 🙂
Yes, I guess it does, doesn’t it. Oh holy hell!!
I’m totally the opposite. Whenever someone tells me their problems, I just let them vent and listen to them. And sometimes they’re like “okay, now what?” “Oh,” I say. “So you wanted a solution. You came to the wrong person.” I think a little bit of either one is fine but we should try to not be either too controlling or too passive.
I agree. It’s hard not to give advice, or take control, when it’s my basic nature to do just that. I am trying though! 🙂
I LOVE the quote! I can be very controlling and manipulative in my relationships with men. It’s funny I don’t do it in other relationships and only if I’m “seriously” involved with the guy. I think the fact that you realize that you control is half the battle, right?!? If he knows you are that way…then why does he get surprised at it? lol I always tell my man that same thing…
I guess he must think I am going to change, and really, I would like to change. It’s exhausting to always be the one figuring things out and fixing shit.
You’ve got that right!!! It wipes me out! My thing is if you don’t want me to fix it then don’t ask me for my help! lol It makes it a vicious cycle!
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