Fat Bottom Girl Said What

When my ass talks, people listen.

I Can’t Make You Love Me

Yeah, I know it’s a Bonnie Raitt song, and a kick ass one at that, but, it’s also very true.  I want to fall in love, and I want to be in love, and I want a man to be in love with me.   I tend to make bad decisions when it comes to love. My brother tells me all the time my “picker” is broken because I don’t seem to choose very well.  And I can be impulsive about it, and quite impatient.  I guess it’s because I want it so badly.

Which leads me to telling you about how I got my jets cooled today.  I know,  strange expression, but it’s one of those things my dad has always told me, “cool your jets”, and it was the best euphemism I could come up with to explain how I felt.  It’s pretty close to having the wind knocked out of my sails, and it has made this day go agonizingly slow.

So over the last few days, soon after the “afterglow” wore off, I have kind of been feeling like this guy that I went on the date with on Sunday, let’s just call him Mr. M, has been really slowing down the communication.  Prior to the date, it was texting all the time, and questions back and forth, and fairly long answers.  After the date, it was not so much texting, and very short, sometimes one word answers.  So, the longer it went on, the more anxious I got.  And I got this feeling almost like I was bothering him when I would text him.  So, I cut back on the texts drastically during the day, and only texted in the evenings.  The evening texts were a bit short too, so I kept having that feeling like I was being a nuisance to him or something.  So, last night, I just came out and asked the question. . .I wanted to know if he had thought about our second date.  Yep, stepped in it.  I am guessing in the “rules of dating” guide, that this must be one of the big fuck-ups.  But how would I know, because I don’t date!!  And he didn’t text back, just long, awkward silence, so I texted him this morning to ask if I had said something wrong.  He said nope.  But, I didn’t stop there.  I went on to tell him that I didn’t know how this dating this is supposed to go, and that I’m not really sure what I am supposed to be doing at this point. . .yeah, I know, stupid!!  And I asked him if he could just tell me what he’s thinking.

So this is how he answered crazy (crazy being me!):  “Look. . . I liked you. .. we had a nice date. . .when I have time again. . .I would like to go out again. . .I’m busy this weekend and Sat of next. . beyond that. . .I don’t know what to tell you.  I’m in no hurry. . sorry if that is not what you wanted to hear”.

So I told him I appreciated his honesty, and I apologized for not having any patience, and I told him it was the best date I have ever had.  What I should have said was it’s the best date I’ve had so far. . .because it appears as though it won’t be my last.  Maybe it was the last one with him, and maybe it’s not, but either way I can’t rest on my laurels.  I can’t let the bastard get me down, and I have to keep believing there is a man out there just for me.  And I do have to have a little bit of patience.  Is it possible that just like anything else, dating takes practice??  That thought is quite depressing. . .   Sing it Bonnie, and I’ll really try to listen this time. . .

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5 thoughts on “I Can’t Make You Love Me

  1. Wow! You sound just like me. I’m kinda impatient too and trying to cool my jets. I see a lot of people around me married, in love, with children, etc and I want that too.

    • I have been in love a couple of times, I have been married, and I have a child. You don’t necessarily get all 3 in conjunction with each other, let alone singly. I think wanting it and chasing it are two very different things. I know I want to be in love, I want a big love. I also know I have to stop chasing love. I believe in putting the message out to the universe that I am looking for love–which is why I do the online dating thing. I refuse to lose hope that the universe will send me that love at some point. In the meantime I have to continue to focus on me and my son. I have to be the best me I can be, because I want to be prepared if that big love shows up, or some guy I already know suddenly decides to be my big love! lol

  2. I can absolutely relate to this. Great post, you are not alone, this is hard stuff. I go all crazy, and it’s like I’m watching myself in a movie and I’m sitting in the audience of a horror movie screaming…”no…don’t do that. Step away from the phone. DO NOT send that” but I can’t stop myself, My worst instance was last year and I scared away someone who I really liked and respected, then I fell into a deep depression and spent some time in an inpatient psych facility where I was diagnosed as being Bipolar type 2…but the guy is gone and I’m learning not to beat myself up for the actions of a literally un-medicated crazy person. What I’m saying is you’re awesome and thank you for this.

    • Aww, thanks Amy! I really appreciate your comments!! I figure if a guy leaves, he wasn’t meant to be here because he can’t handle all the gloriousness that is me—of course this is after I do the crying/beating myself up/blaming thing.

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