The Good Mother
If I kill myself now
there’s still enough money
to cremate me
plus a little left over
in case anyone wants to
throw a party
Just remember to
sprinkle me in the lake
as I’ve asked
Or don’t
I’ll never know
My son won’t stand
before you and say
“She was a good mom
she always had my back
she was always there for me
she loved me with all her heart”
Because he doesn’t believe those things
Maybe I’ve spent
too much time believing them
Maybe my perception
of my mothering of him
isn’t reality
And if it’s not
what is there left
to live for
