Meet me in the back seat of the car
with a bottle of Boone’s Farm
and a Def Leppard cassette
and wear your kissing lips
because I want to feel 17 again
and make out for hours
so I wake the next morning
with my lips raw
and a smile on my face
hoping that when my phone rings
it will be you
My doubts
eddies around my ankles
threaten to suck me into the whirlpool
I want to believe your words
but the ocean of my insecurities is deep
and though I’m a competent swimmer
I have a deep seated fear of drowning
My nightmare watery grave
is fluid with lies leaked from lips
of those who purported to care
Lack of oxygen and tears blur my vision
but my heart still sees nothing but good in you
Take my hand and lead me to shore
before the tide comes in
there’s still time to save me
She spent half her time convincing men to love her
and half her time convincing men she wasn’t worth loving
exhausted from being too much or too little
never content with who she was
always trying to explain the tornadoes in her mind
constantly apologizing
no man ever understanding why she cowered in fear
screaming inside for just one to know her
and not run away in frustration over who she had become
because of all the other men who came before him
always trying to beat them to the leaving
because they always left
she posts a “DO NOT ENTER” sign and draws the blinds
and collapses in on herself
because it’s easier to feel nothing than to feel everything like she always has
“You don’t know how a heart works”
they say
“It’s resilient”
“It can heal”
once
twice
three, four, five, six times
broken
maybe beyond repair
a muscle gets strained
too much wear and tear
worn thin
like the excuses made by those we dare to love
ironic
isn’t it
the only thing to fix a broken heart
is more love
In my dream
you wake me
with your hand on my hip and
“Good morning beautiful”
whispered in my ear
but reality
is the bed cold beside me
and you far away
in a place where I exist
only in your shadows
And as much as you wish it didn’t
your heart still belongs to another
and I have learned
after many painful lessons
not to fall in love with a man
who loves someone else
no matter how easy it would be to do so
Fiction, and other made-up stories
Still histrionic, still a bookwhore; just faking competence because of my kid.
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Fat Bottom Girl Said What 